9:13AM - Grindin'
Not much time to write. I am in class now preparing for my time in front of the camera to do interviews. And my teacher gave me free will to act up. It's on. I have to do an interview and I will be interviewed. I am gonna do something so off the wall to put with my resume'. Might as well go for broke. But I can't believe I'm not stressed out for this Spanish test though. I am going to continue to look over vocabulary and questions. My workbook is set so I can get credit for that. I'm ready to roll baby! I feel like my swagger is coming back. I'm not all the way there, but I am feeling it. I think today's enrty will be free of personal relationships today. lol! Although Jaime is still in my prayers about her health. But what is really funny I haven't talked to my mom all week. I called her last night, but I think she was at Bible Study. I didn't work out yesterday, so after I clean up my room I am gonna wear myself out. And tonight is wrestling. WHAT? Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? Wait. That is my sneakers I smell. Whoa. These are going in the trunk of my car. Holla at the kid...
Current mood: working
Current music: On Time God - Dottie Peoples
Thursday, March 27, 2003
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
It was a lie at first...Let me see you today. It will be the truth.
8:39AM - Crucial...
I usually don't like Monday's but I have to start off my week hating you. If I did not have class and so much work, I would be pissed beyond belief. However, I am very angry. I wish I could ease up but I'm done. I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna stress. But the chip on my shoulder now looks a lot like the bat in my car. After all this time being friends with somebody you think they would stick with you through thick and thin. Loyalty has no place between friends anymore. Love means nothing, at least in the romantic sense. More than likely I don't think I want to be in a relationship with anyone. I just realized why I kick it to myself most of the time. I'm not going into detail today, but you know who you are.
If you don't love while I'm alive, don't mourn me when I die, good-bye. Good riddens.
Don't holla at the kid.
Current mood: angry
Current music: I'll Be Dat - Redman
I usually don't like Monday's but I have to start off my week hating you. If I did not have class and so much work, I would be pissed beyond belief. However, I am very angry. I wish I could ease up but I'm done. I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna stress. But the chip on my shoulder now looks a lot like the bat in my car. After all this time being friends with somebody you think they would stick with you through thick and thin. Loyalty has no place between friends anymore. Love means nothing, at least in the romantic sense. More than likely I don't think I want to be in a relationship with anyone. I just realized why I kick it to myself most of the time. I'm not going into detail today, but you know who you are.
If you don't love while I'm alive, don't mourn me when I die, good-bye. Good riddens.
Don't holla at the kid.
Current mood: angry
Current music: I'll Be Dat - Redman
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
In need of a song for the moment
11:02PM - These games we play...
This reminds me of that 702 song called Get It Together. I don't really want to stay, I don't really want to go. Wait...I do want to go. It's thats that whole thing of leaving what you familair with. But do I stay where I am and learn how to be okay or content with this situation. We could work things out and it would be alright, but why be miserable? I can't settle for mediocrity. I wish I had a song for this one. 702 is close, but not really where I am. Honestly, I've been in this relationship months on months way too long. I don't trully know what being in love is...but I know this isn't it at all. So how do you say goodbye in these situations? You have all the reasons in the world to go, but that small string of attraction, that string of familiarity, and that small string of being in love with the thought of being in love. Then at some point, someone comes along and changes your whole world. You know...the one with that "It." That thing that makes them the one. It blurs all the thoughts of "your first", your high school sweetheart, that one in college that never quite worked out, and that one that you're comfortable with but not in love with. Then when you finally meet them, you're stuck on those little strings, but the problem is that they are not attached to your body, they are on your heart. And it doesn't hurt that you can't get away...It hurts you can't get to that one. I've gotta cut these strings from my heart before she gets here. But how? Something has to give. I need to be delivered out of Egypt and guided through the wilderness.
Bottom line...the difference of what Audra is and what the one should/will be is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I have no earthly idea who she is, I haven''t even met her. But God has placed her in my heart and she is already changing me. My speech and actions are making changes. I see the man, lover, and friend I want to be, free from all boundaries. So whoever you are, I want to thank you in advance.
This reminds me of that 702 song called Get It Together. I don't really want to stay, I don't really want to go. Wait...I do want to go. It's thats that whole thing of leaving what you familair with. But do I stay where I am and learn how to be okay or content with this situation. We could work things out and it would be alright, but why be miserable? I can't settle for mediocrity. I wish I had a song for this one. 702 is close, but not really where I am. Honestly, I've been in this relationship months on months way too long. I don't trully know what being in love is...but I know this isn't it at all. So how do you say goodbye in these situations? You have all the reasons in the world to go, but that small string of attraction, that string of familiarity, and that small string of being in love with the thought of being in love. Then at some point, someone comes along and changes your whole world. You know...the one with that "It." That thing that makes them the one. It blurs all the thoughts of "your first", your high school sweetheart, that one in college that never quite worked out, and that one that you're comfortable with but not in love with. Then when you finally meet them, you're stuck on those little strings, but the problem is that they are not attached to your body, they are on your heart. And it doesn't hurt that you can't get away...It hurts you can't get to that one. I've gotta cut these strings from my heart before she gets here. But how? Something has to give. I need to be delivered out of Egypt and guided through the wilderness.
Bottom line...the difference of what Audra is and what the one should/will be is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I have no earthly idea who she is, I haven''t even met her. But God has placed her in my heart and she is already changing me. My speech and actions are making changes. I see the man, lover, and friend I want to be, free from all boundaries. So whoever you are, I want to thank you in advance.
Sunday, March 16, 2003
It never rains in southern Alabama...
In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after truth. ~Mahatma Gandhi~
And Lord knows the quest is hard. I can't believe the limits I have been pushing my body. I may get 5 hours of sleep and be up at 7 and 8 in the morning, and go to class, work, lift weights, play ball, and then jog, and then study all night. I'm not gonna collaspe though. It feels good to work hard. I guess I could be on the streets with the rest of boys slanging rocks right now. I just had 3 go in about a month ago too. Those dudes got murder and drug charges. They may never see the light of day again. So college has always been the best choice for me. I know one time I could have made some big time money moving a block or two, but forget being in a cage, that issh is for the birds.
Anyway, my body is so tight right now. I haven't worked out since Friday. And my legs and back are so tight. Maybe I will strecth tonight. Doubt it though. I am feeling mad lazy. I'm about to climb back in this bed. It has been raining all day....AGAIN. Plus I have so much on my mind right now. Don't feel like thinking but I gotta come to a conclusion about what I am going to do about my personal life. I have been working so hard that I forgot to manage it and it has been managing me. And when you let your personal life roam on it's own it will find trouble.
Ummmm. No comment. Anyway, the fashion show is gonna be hot. I'm in 3 hot scences, but I have to dance in one. It has been a good minute since I cut loose. So I don't know if I am gonna be in the mood. Me and my partner haven't picked out music either. I hope we do your thing on that song the jump off. That would work. Right now I am just trying to keep my cool. lol! I really need to pray and get back to work. But if this stuff continues with these girls they way it is, I am gonna change my name to the Gingerbread Man, and tell em' catch me if you can. Go ahead and marinate on that for a minute. Get at the kid...
Current mood: exhausted
Current music: The Games We Play - Subway and 702
And Lord knows the quest is hard. I can't believe the limits I have been pushing my body. I may get 5 hours of sleep and be up at 7 and 8 in the morning, and go to class, work, lift weights, play ball, and then jog, and then study all night. I'm not gonna collaspe though. It feels good to work hard. I guess I could be on the streets with the rest of boys slanging rocks right now. I just had 3 go in about a month ago too. Those dudes got murder and drug charges. They may never see the light of day again. So college has always been the best choice for me. I know one time I could have made some big time money moving a block or two, but forget being in a cage, that issh is for the birds.
Anyway, my body is so tight right now. I haven't worked out since Friday. And my legs and back are so tight. Maybe I will strecth tonight. Doubt it though. I am feeling mad lazy. I'm about to climb back in this bed. It has been raining all day....AGAIN. Plus I have so much on my mind right now. Don't feel like thinking but I gotta come to a conclusion about what I am going to do about my personal life. I have been working so hard that I forgot to manage it and it has been managing me. And when you let your personal life roam on it's own it will find trouble.
Ummmm. No comment. Anyway, the fashion show is gonna be hot. I'm in 3 hot scences, but I have to dance in one. It has been a good minute since I cut loose. So I don't know if I am gonna be in the mood. Me and my partner haven't picked out music either. I hope we do your thing on that song the jump off. That would work. Right now I am just trying to keep my cool. lol! I really need to pray and get back to work. But if this stuff continues with these girls they way it is, I am gonna change my name to the Gingerbread Man, and tell em' catch me if you can. Go ahead and marinate on that for a minute. Get at the kid...
Current mood: exhausted
Current music: The Games We Play - Subway and 702
Saturday, March 15, 2003
Good morning
6:52PM - Just waking up...
Whoa. It has been a minute since I wrote my thoughts down. This week was crowded with work and confusion. I was busy from Sunday to right now. I got home about 2 in the morning, got up about 11, went to the bank, came back ate breakfast and got back in the bed and now I am up at 6:30 pm. I think I am gonna sleep this Saturday away. I'm not tired, but I am sleepy. Every night it has been study study study study. I've been getting my workouts in everyday too, so by the end of the night I am really pushing my body. But I feel great. I'm really blessed that I don't have anything to complain about. School is hard, but I am making it. I killed my commercial in 2 takes. I would have gotten it in one, but the camera operator got gased and started laughing hard so I couldn't hold it in either. But the next take I did the dang thang despite all the laughter. The guy who runs the school's television studio thinks I have a great career in front of me for television, and he wants to introduce me to some people at a advertising agency as well. I told him I don't know where I get my ideas from. Things just come to my head and BANG. I get it down on paper and it's all good. Now the rest of my classes I think I am holding 2 A's and 2'C's. I can pull those C's to B's though. Well at least one of them for sure. We all know how Spanish goes.
Enough about school though. Oh, the 50 Cent concert did go down. I heard it was aiight. Not worth $26 though. My homeboy told me he did 3 full songs, and half of 4 other songs. He didn't even get on the stage until 11:30 and he was done about 12:45. But to give credit where credit is due, they said he had it hype for the short time he was on stage. They said he jumped off stage and was running around the crowd. So he brought the energy, but he didn't show to the after party. I knew he wasn't gonna show. He did a show the night before he came to our place, and then he had a show in Jacksonville the next night. The man is tired. Matter of fact the man is getting kind of chunky too. My homegirl said he has gotten rather chunky. But we all know what money can do to you. I told her I remember Big Pun before he started making major doe. He was chunky but no where near 500 pounds upon his death. Anyway...
These females still got a dude's head dizzy. (courtesy of still being the new dude) I had about 4 girls this week told me they wanted to get at the kid when we get back from the break. But one of these girls I know for sure is big time playa. And one of them has a boyfriend. Another one is a big time flirt, and the other one I just don't like her circle of peeps. And to top it all of all that Audra wants to work things out. (shakes head...) What is a fella to do? Audra is aiight, but that would take some major work that I'm not willing to put in right now I'm thinking fuck fine. And I can fuck fine any day of the week. We all know I'm not like that, but what is she doing for me emotionally, mentally, or spiritually? Nothing. Stay tuned for that one. I told this one girl I use to talk to when she asked me why she hasn't seen me around lately...I said "I am always making love to my books, stimulating my mind, and having intellectual orgasisms." But still, the kid wants to settle down fo sho in the next 2 years. At 25 I want to know and be best friends with the woman I want to marry. I know who it should be, I just haven't met her yet. And I am having a hard time letting go of some things that happened in the past. I know they are in the past, but dayum kid-o there is mean, harsh, and then there is vindictive. But we will see in due time. Like I said, stay tuned.Other than that, God is good, life is straight, health is almost back to 100%, and the smile is bigger than ever. Like I said the books are hard, but girls have my head dizzy. Sometimes I wish I just had friends without er'body hitting on me. Skip the looks, I'd appreciate if a young lady took the time to get to know me as well. And the people who do know me, I wish they would act like it. I'm not a superstar...yet. So let's not start like money is coming between us already. And when I do get the big contract then we can act like spoiled celebrities. LOL! Naw, I'll remain humble. Just humble with some of the nicer things in life. LOL! Well, I guess I am awake now. Let's get on with the rest of the day. Or whats left of it...Holla at the kid...
Current mood: sleepy
Current music: On The Rocks - Baby ft. Jazzie Pha and Rickey Smiley
Whoa. It has been a minute since I wrote my thoughts down. This week was crowded with work and confusion. I was busy from Sunday to right now. I got home about 2 in the morning, got up about 11, went to the bank, came back ate breakfast and got back in the bed and now I am up at 6:30 pm. I think I am gonna sleep this Saturday away. I'm not tired, but I am sleepy. Every night it has been study study study study. I've been getting my workouts in everyday too, so by the end of the night I am really pushing my body. But I feel great. I'm really blessed that I don't have anything to complain about. School is hard, but I am making it. I killed my commercial in 2 takes. I would have gotten it in one, but the camera operator got gased and started laughing hard so I couldn't hold it in either. But the next take I did the dang thang despite all the laughter. The guy who runs the school's television studio thinks I have a great career in front of me for television, and he wants to introduce me to some people at a advertising agency as well. I told him I don't know where I get my ideas from. Things just come to my head and BANG. I get it down on paper and it's all good. Now the rest of my classes I think I am holding 2 A's and 2'C's. I can pull those C's to B's though. Well at least one of them for sure. We all know how Spanish goes.
Enough about school though. Oh, the 50 Cent concert did go down. I heard it was aiight. Not worth $26 though. My homeboy told me he did 3 full songs, and half of 4 other songs. He didn't even get on the stage until 11:30 and he was done about 12:45. But to give credit where credit is due, they said he had it hype for the short time he was on stage. They said he jumped off stage and was running around the crowd. So he brought the energy, but he didn't show to the after party. I knew he wasn't gonna show. He did a show the night before he came to our place, and then he had a show in Jacksonville the next night. The man is tired. Matter of fact the man is getting kind of chunky too. My homegirl said he has gotten rather chunky. But we all know what money can do to you. I told her I remember Big Pun before he started making major doe. He was chunky but no where near 500 pounds upon his death. Anyway...
These females still got a dude's head dizzy. (courtesy of still being the new dude) I had about 4 girls this week told me they wanted to get at the kid when we get back from the break. But one of these girls I know for sure is big time playa. And one of them has a boyfriend. Another one is a big time flirt, and the other one I just don't like her circle of peeps. And to top it all of all that Audra wants to work things out. (shakes head...) What is a fella to do? Audra is aiight, but that would take some major work that I'm not willing to put in right now I'm thinking fuck fine. And I can fuck fine any day of the week. We all know I'm not like that, but what is she doing for me emotionally, mentally, or spiritually? Nothing. Stay tuned for that one. I told this one girl I use to talk to when she asked me why she hasn't seen me around lately...I said "I am always making love to my books, stimulating my mind, and having intellectual orgasisms." But still, the kid wants to settle down fo sho in the next 2 years. At 25 I want to know and be best friends with the woman I want to marry. I know who it should be, I just haven't met her yet. And I am having a hard time letting go of some things that happened in the past. I know they are in the past, but dayum kid-o there is mean, harsh, and then there is vindictive. But we will see in due time. Like I said, stay tuned.Other than that, God is good, life is straight, health is almost back to 100%, and the smile is bigger than ever. Like I said the books are hard, but girls have my head dizzy. Sometimes I wish I just had friends without er'body hitting on me. Skip the looks, I'd appreciate if a young lady took the time to get to know me as well. And the people who do know me, I wish they would act like it. I'm not a superstar...yet. So let's not start like money is coming between us already. And when I do get the big contract then we can act like spoiled celebrities. LOL! Naw, I'll remain humble. Just humble with some of the nicer things in life. LOL! Well, I guess I am awake now. Let's get on with the rest of the day. Or whats left of it...Holla at the kid...
Current mood: sleepy
Current music: On The Rocks - Baby ft. Jazzie Pha and Rickey Smiley
Saturday, March 01, 2003
blah blah blah
11:34PM - This day...
Not much happened today. We had an out of class assignment so I didn't have to do anything but lift weights this morning and work at the bio-med library. I like the job or whatever, but some days I just don't want to be there. I went to the rec to work out, but not too many people were in there cause we got Fat Tuesday off for Mardi Gras and most folks were gone to New Orleans or drunk all ready. I had to keep it moving. Played about 4 games of 21 and won 2 them. And played 1 on 1 againist Marcus. Then I lifted weights again and ran on the indoor track for about half an hour. I know right. I need a girlfriend. Let's not go there today. (See below)
I'm actually at the house in Pensacola. I decided to ride home tonight and take care of some business and them make that drive back to school. The most exciting thing that happened today might have been discussing the Roy Jones Jr. fight. I guess some people just don't like him. It's whatever. Some people are just born haters. Oh well. Hopefully something will jump off this week.
Not much happened today. We had an out of class assignment so I didn't have to do anything but lift weights this morning and work at the bio-med library. I like the job or whatever, but some days I just don't want to be there. I went to the rec to work out, but not too many people were in there cause we got Fat Tuesday off for Mardi Gras and most folks were gone to New Orleans or drunk all ready. I had to keep it moving. Played about 4 games of 21 and won 2 them. And played 1 on 1 againist Marcus. Then I lifted weights again and ran on the indoor track for about half an hour. I know right. I need a girlfriend. Let's not go there today. (See below)
I'm actually at the house in Pensacola. I decided to ride home tonight and take care of some business and them make that drive back to school. The most exciting thing that happened today might have been discussing the Roy Jones Jr. fight. I guess some people just don't like him. It's whatever. Some people are just born haters. Oh well. Hopefully something will jump off this week.
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