Incomplete Thoughts...

Started (5/20/07)

For like three weeks now I've been trying to finish this blog. For three weeks now, I've been having this feeling. For three weeks now, I've felt sorrow. For 3 weeks now, I've learned to let it go. It's all in God's hands. It's all in God's plan. So it's not good bye to my cousin Evan and Uncle Levon, it's only a see you later. If it be many many years from now or by the God coming to carry us away in The Rapture, I'll see you one day. But now I'll hold on to our memories. You're physically gone but your presence is always felt. Your smiles are always warmth to a gloomy day. Evan was only 15 months old and Levon 70 years young, but both family members we loved dearly. So here is my incomplete thought for you both. I'll never forget this day either. After Evan passed there was to be a wake or family hour of some sort and I left work to show my support to my family. However, without notice the time was changed for later in the evening. While trying to get more information on the baby, I turned around to the board of upcoming services of people at Joe Morris Funeral Home. And there it was...

Mr. Levon Simpson

I wasn't sure who I was crying for at that moment. One family in the front of the funeral home and one in the back. I think it hurt more because of the way I found out. Evan's passing made me ponder the book of James in The Bible. Mr. Simp had been ill for some time and I had myself prepared but why lie, it hurt. It wasn't enough time to finish mourning one to the other. Evan was layed to rest on the 12th of May and Uncle Levon on the 17th. But now that the time has passed, I've confirmed a few things in my heart. God will not put more on us than we can bare, our testimonys don't come without a test. Tell your family members often that you love them, because you don't know when you will be able to say it again until God calls us all home on that day. Black people...please don't let funerals double as family reunions. See your family and let your childern interact with one another. It's important for us to know one another outside of a mourning period. And lastly, Joy does come in the mourning/morning. If you don't get that one, shoot me an email and we can talk about it. Thought complete. (6/3/07)

Round trips

Lots of times in life we return to things that felt good.

Places we were happy in.

Things that made us smile.

Here I am.

But then reality sets in.

It didn't work out for a reason.

Or were you a season?

You definitely weren't a lifetime.

I'm sitting here getting ready for work and reading you email.

Thinking.

What do you want from me?

Why do I need to think about the good or bad times?

What do we have to talk about?

I've moved on.

Years ago.

Make this your last trip.

One way.

In the opposite direction of me.

Simple words

It only takes one act of random kindness to make someone feel better about the world they live in, but sometimes it means so much more when a few simple words from someone who means something sheds light on your dark day. Evan's death has seemed surreal at times and I find myself getting frustrated and plunging into a series of questions about life. However, I got a text message today that calmed my soul because it reminded that there are moments that do take your breath away. The text message simply said "I can't wait to spend time with you. :-)" You may never know this but I can't wait either and that text brought the first smile to my day. Thank you.

The Greatest Rapper of All Time Died on March 9th

Everyone says hip-hop is dead. Well, it died for me on March 9, 1997. I couldn't believe it when I heard it, read it, or watch it on tv. It all hit me in the head like people in those Vonage commercials. Christopher Wallace a.k.a. The Notorious B.I.G. dead and gone due to senseless violence. A night which was meant for celebration ended with a mother losing a son, a son losing a father, and hip-hop losing it's greatest MC.

I know you have to be like ummmm....Why are you taking this one personally? Well, for me he was more than the music. When he came out I was a chubby, ok, round, ok, thick, ok fat kid. I had been skinny all my life and one day I blew up. And I was uncomfortable with who I was at the time. Then came along the blackest, fattest, ugly rapper who was suave, charismatic, bold, and confident. I had my first example of whoever you are...like it and love it. And of course before he came along I was naturally called Big-E, well I had a style I could run with and make my own. And as time went on I slimmed down (way down) but I had a swagger that was pretty strong by this time. Then between all of that, he made music that you could dance to, chill with, and get hype with. He was a rapper's rapper and the best rapper lyrically. Even in his death a lot of today's rappers know if he was still alive they would not be doing what they do now. Biggie dropped lyrics and lines that to this day that are being stolen, borrowed, and honored. Tupac was a passionate MC that could make the ABC's sound good, but Biggie was the MC who could conceptualize the alphabet into a story about life's struggles and the hustle of the streets. But what made him the best, as he changed his lyrics and songs changed too. He was true to his himself and his environment. How many MC's can actually rap about the struggles of success? How many can turn violent overtures into thought provoking metaphors? None...

But what really saddens me, this didn't have to happen. A young man who turned in the life of the streets to find a better way, dead and gone, but never forgotten.
B.I.G. 4EVA



"My mind, my 9, my pen, my mack 10. My target? All you wack MC's that started rappin'."
-The Notorious B.I.G.-