Clearing my head

It's time to make way and clear out some things in my life. I've realized that I'm not going to be able to recieve my blessings holding onto past events, mishaps, and bad habits that are not condusive in my walk with Christ. It's just not about friends or family. Which there are some that I'm only going to be able to love at a distance, but it's time to let go of excuses. There is a lot I didn't have in life growing up but the things I need and want out of life out number the setbacks and trials. I know it's going to be hard, but it's time to get from underneath these things and move on. My aspirations are simple. They are hard but and I have no idea how to get them, but what I want is a wife, a family, my own home, and my own business. I don't know how to get there but I'm know God is leading the way.

Are you serious?

You know what? Some people can be real jerks when dealing with people in the public. However, no matter how nicely someone is treating them at the moment they still want to take their attitude to the maximum levels of being an ass. Then there are those moments when you're on the end of someone being a jerk and you don't know how to react other than with anger. However, there are times when you can do nothing but look and stare at the person who is being a fool. Long story short, I got cursed out today at work by a T-Mobile customer by now fault of my own. I did everything I could to help him and he still wanted to carry on and make a scene. Now, the younger immature me would have gave this dude the business and sent him home crying. But the more level headed comical me just stood there and took the heat. Why? Because I was being cursed out and called everything but a child of God by a older gentleman with half a mouth. Now when I say half a mouth, that's what I mean. Half of his mouth for whatever reason had been surgically removed. Then to top it off he was short and Asian with a nasty mouth. I think everyone in the store was amused by the look on my face because I was trying to hold in the laughter. For a moment I couldn't believe it was happening and it only got funnier to me and when he finally ran out of breath, he left. Naturally, all eyes turned to me, I shook my head and helped the next person. I'm so glad this job pays well cause some of the stuff I've seen I should have walked out too. Oh well. Peace.

The real you comes to the surface...

For the record this incident happened about 3 weeks ago. I wasn't sure if I should even take the time to address this in my heart due to the total lack of tact people use when saying their true feelings. But as the old saying goes..."When a man shows you who he is, believe him."

My manager who is alleged Jewish decided that he would put some of heritage to work that his people have shown as comedians to good use. However, he did more than tell a joke. He exposed his soul briefly and let his true nature of a bigot and an insecure man show.

Yes, it's true. I play basketball. And before all the injuries, I was considered a player going somewhere with my game. However, today I only play for fun and the love of the game. And even though this was an "corporate event", I truly wanted to win. Well, long story short, of course I'm the only brother (black man) on the team and the other team had 4 former college players (3 Black and one Asian), and they were on the short side, but these cats could ball. Well, after being down 15 early, I decided to be a little more selfish and take some control. Well, with 2 minutes left I got the game within in 5. I blocked a shot which led to a lay up. They came back and scored, I got the ball came off a screen and knocked down a short jump shot. But just as they were about to inbound the ball I saw my chance. With only a few seconds on the clock I tipped the inbound pass, chased the ball to the corner, turned and elevated as I heard the crowd yell "4, 3, 2,...

I let the ball fly from my finger tips. The perfect follow through. My fingers spread, my wrist popped, and my form was perfect, only to see my shot fall short and hit the side of the rim. Game over.

Well, its whatever. I shook the other team's hand like a gentleman, we exchanged jokes and headed back to the bench. Everyone else stayed on the court except me and the manager. And what was said next rather puzzled me. "Dang. We would have one if we had more black guys on the team. "

I just got up and walked away. Because to me....Everything made perfect sense at that moment. For every time I heard " I have plenty of black friends" or "I grew up around black people" made me realize they were trying to make themselves comfortable about me being black and intelligent. It wasn't the fact I'm almost 6'6 and have broad shoulders. It bothered them cause I don't have gold teeth, don't smell like weed, don't have a 20" plus rims. And it upset them because I use correct English and I stood up for myself. It made them uncomfortable that I'm strong in mind, body, and spirit. And that I could not and would not conform to their way of thinking, living, or business. I am what God made me...A black man.

But in the end, it's nice to know where people's hear lay. Don't look for me to be here at T-Mobile too much longer. I'm looking to get more out of life. Peace.

Mixed feelings...

It's 3 in the morning and the end of a very memorable birthday. New York City has got to be the most beautiful, exciting, wonderful, dirtest, nasitest, rudest place on God's green Earth. This place is just jumping for no good reason. The only reason I'm inside right now cause it got too cold for me. Sivonne and Tishma both think I'm tripping about that but I'm a Florida/Cali kid. What did you expect.? But none the less, I've seen some of the best looking women that look black and just African and Cuban for reasons beyond my understanding. I'm having so much fun. Who knew? This place is crazy. All your dreams can come true at 40/40 or you can get beat up by some homo-thugs for laughing and pointing. Long story. Anyway, with all of the excitement of turning 26, I realized...it's been over a month since spoke with Kenisha and she didn't even call me on my birthday. (That hurt.) Yeah...off to Harlem in the morning. Deuce.

My first trip to the Wrotten Apple (part 1)

Fortunately, everything you hear about New York City is not true. But those first hours in the big city were a hell of an adventure. So much that I had to break this trip up into several parts. Ok, first of all you have no clue that a city can be so large until you actually get there. I promise that JFK airport has to be larger than the state of Rhode Island. Knowing what I know now, I should have flown into Newark, NJ. Anyway, Cheaptickets really stuck it to a brother with the so called shuttle pass. After a hour ride from Queens to Manhattan, the driver who had to be Bin Laden's cousin (just joking) dropped me off in front of the Port Authority (bus station) in Lower Manhattan. The only good thing about it was I saw a lot of things I wanted to see and I had an idea of where to come back. The worst part was that I was the only person on the shuttle that was born in America and spoke fluent English. Why lie? I was a little nervous about that. Anyway, my friends are across the river in the Meadow Lands waiting for me. We all thought the shuttle went that far. Wrong. So hear I am on in somewhere New Jersey walking. The people were friendly, they helped me and feed me till Vonne' came and got me with her big booty. Anyway, the day got started and I saw ALL of Manhattan. You really need a day for each borough. It was crazy. The lights the people, the food. The hookers with no under wear and my loud self pointing it out to everyone one on the street. Dallas BBQ in The Village was on point. I enjoyed watching all the people walk by and the atomsphere that New York has to offer. This is the first time in my life I felt physically small. This is definetly a city for me. Well, I can figure that for sure in the next couple of days but I definetly had a good night tonight. Pray for me that I don't fall in love with this city. Peace. :-)

Welcome 2 New York City

Tomorrow can't get here fast enough. My first trip to New York City! The culture, the lights, the sounds, the sites, and basketball courts on every other corner. But most importantly all the sexy young ladies. And with my experience with Freedom School, NYC girls dig Southern cats anyway. My flight leaves at 6 in the morning, a brief layover in Tampa, and I should be touching down at JFK a little after 10. I've flown back and forth from L.A. by myself as a little kid many times so New York as a young adult shouldn't move too fast for me. Anyway, the game plan is to take the shuttle to my hotel in the Meadow Lands in New Jersey. Everyone, which includes my Freedom School people and my Eastern Shore (MD) people to meet me at the hotel. Which is cool cause you can see Manhattan skyline from there. Then we go into Manhattan for site seeing tour and then dinner for my birthday after midnight, which will be April 1st by that time. Then off to 40/40 if we can all get in. Then the next day is spilt between Harlem and the BX. Sunday is still up in the air cause I may ride to Philly to see Bianca. If not, I'm gonna hit up the other sites I haven't seen. I'm so excited.

Anyway, I need a few days rest anyway. I really dislike the majority of people I work with at T-Mobile. I've never been so unhappy working at a job. I know part of it is after working with Freedom School, you get kinda spoiled because even in it's rough parts it's still a very positive and loving environment. And we also have Mrs. Shepard who does a wonderful job with us and with the kids. But these white folks at T-Mobile are out of control. I'd rather work with Tye everyday than have to come here. But money is money, and a hustle is a hustle. So until the fall comes around, I'm here. It's getting close to being here for 6 months and I've wanted to quit everyday for the last 4 months. I got some bs service award in February, but I don't care. I deal with it. I guess at this point the only thing I can't shake off are my thoughts of Kenisha. It's been about a month since we spoke last. No call, no text message, no email. So whatever she is going through, is whatever she is going through. I know that our friendship is hard enough now that she is married, but it's always been so much more than that between us. I guess we all know that story by now. All my life I've grown accustomed to people leaving and it doesn't phase me, but somehow someway the very thought of her takes my collective breath away. But the sad thing is I still go on with my life, and it seems the more I push, the more I want to be with her. Sad. I sound like a punk. lol. I need to relax. I'm already nervous about Saturday. Why? Tishma.

Things were always kept on a very friendly level between us, but she has always made it well known that she has been digging me since the first day she saw me on Haley Farm in Tennesse. And I've made it well known that I was completely in love with someone back home. I just didn't tell her the complexity of the situation. I didn't think she needed to know. But she knows how strongly I feel about Kenisha. But with Kenisha (Shon) being incognegro, I think I owe it to myself to explore the possibilty of being that close with anyone else. And it helps she is fine. I know I know...shallow. But she is a crowd stopper. Her only downside I see to me at least is her son. If I ever start up something serious with anyone, it would be nice to start fresh. But no one is perfect, especially me.

Well, see ya when I get back. Deuce.

I hate my job

I started moving things back to Pensacola unofficially in September. I got hired offcially on November 1st. Today is March 1st. I want to quit. I've gotten use to working with nothing but black people and now I am the only black person at my work place. You know what, I'm not even gonna trip over this one today. Cause I can't even keep a clear thought today. I need a break from that place. If I don't get one soon, I may have to become Terrell Owens of T-Mobile. But I'm not apologizing for being me, a black man. If you don't want to hear what I talk about with other people when they ask me for my opinion, then don't listen. Deuce.

A quick announcement

I don't like white people today. Oh yeah, there is another reason why I don't like this day either. But oh well. At least this time, I'm not laying on my couch watching a Fairly Odd Parents Marathon. Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. Today is just a bad day, but I will be greatful to God that he allowed me to see it, no matter how bad it seems at times...

(Shakes head)

I shouldn't have let her go in the park that night. I really miss her.

Happy Birthday BabyGirl!

Happy Birthday babygirl! I know that time flys and we miss out on a lot in life when we are not paying attention to the things we hold close to our hearts. I remember when you were 10 and 12 years old, you wanted to hang around me so much but I was younger and still in college trying to stay fly. But once I realized the things you were going through none of that mattered to me anymore. All I wanted was my precious Lil' B to be happy, healthy, and safe. And whatever it takes to help you grow and achieve your goals, I'm here for you. I've watched you blossom from a fat baby to my little yellow flower. Enjoy being 15 and enjoy being young. We both have a long way to go, but I thank you for being patient with me. I never thought I accept you growing up to be a young woman, but I'm trying. If I have a daughter that turns out to be as half as good as you then I did a great job as a father. Just know that your behind will be babysitting, especially in the summer. I love you.