What if Natalie Holloway was black?

I'm never the one to crack jokes in the time of sorrow or tragedy, but since this thing has gone on for a minute with the missing white girl in Aruba, it brought me to this question. What if Natalie Holloway was black? Let's say she was still from Birmingham, and a outgoing high school senior. But instead of going to Huffan, a practically all white high school in the suburbs of Birmingham, but went to a school in West End or Ensley, where all the blacks folk stay. Could you imagine the that news story?

First of all they wouldn't have went to Aruba, this little girl would have come up missing over night from Six Flags, in Atlanta. Secondly, that search would have been over after the weekend. I'm just amazed they sent the FBI looking for this girl, and nobody went looking for 2pac's killers and they shot him on the Veags strip. There had to be 600 people standing outside of Circus Circus at the time. Nicole Holloway can't rap...I want justice.

Letter to the President

Dear President Bush,

How can I say this...um, you're fucking up. I rode by the gas station today and it was $2.59 a gallon. Let's just be real about this situation, I'm not made if you make that area the 51st state and call it Texaco. Just be honest about this thing. If gas hits 3 dollars a gallon, I'm getting a bike. I'm not worried about the moon, Mars, gays getting married (although it's gross), stem cells, it's these gas prices. Look, finish one thing at a time. We went to look for Bin Laden and most of the time we have been in Iraq. If we won the war, why are our troops still dying everyday? Here, I'll give you a chance to make this thing right. Give me Bin Laden on my front porch and I can deal with the gas. I'll beat his ass for you. I'll do him like the cops in NY, I got a plunger. Just do something. It's on you. One or the other, cause the more you mess up, the more you make Bill look like a genuis. A sex addict genuis, but a genuis non the less. I paid about a dollar a gallon when he was in office, there was no war, and no enemies would have ever thought about bringing the fight to us on our soil. Think about it for a minute. Oh, and another piece of advice, think that No Child Left Behind thing over again. You're screwing a lot of liitle kids over. Cool? Holla at cha' boy.

Ev

Dear Private Caller

Dear Private Caller,

I know who you are, and I know what you want. My problem with you is that you know what I look like, you know who I am, you know where I've been, where I go, it ain't hard to find me. So where in the hell do you get off leaving a message saying that I'm scared. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're calling from a private number. Don't worry about it though...I got yours.
So in the mean time...

FUCK YOU!

Aiight? I mean don't take that personal, but leave me a better message. I have simple directions on my voicemail. Leave your name, number, and detailed message. So, I'll get to you when I feel like it, got me? Alright.

Sincerely,

Everett

They should have neva gave you niggas money!

Chappelle Show over? Grand opening, grand closing. Dayum, when Charlie Murphy comes out and says the show is over, then it must be over. 2 seasons and that dude became a legend. And who says weed doesn't ruin your life. It made Dave's nerves bad and he walked away from 50 million dollars. Losing all those endorsement. Though break nigga, there's always FUBU.

All The Classic Skits Chappelle Show

R.I.P

2003-2005

• '04 Racial Draft
• A Moment In The Life Of Lil' John
• Dateline-Black Blind White Supremist.
• The Mad Real World
• R. Kelly "Pee On You" Video
• Ask A Black Dude
• Black Bush
• R. Kelly "Pee On You" Video Remix
• White People Danicng
• Parody of Making Da Band 2
• Reporations '04
• Dave At Jury Duty
• Tyrone The Crackhead
• Trading Spouses
• KneeHigh Park
• The Player Hater's Ball
• Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories (Rick James, Prince)
• I Know Black People
• The World Series Of Dice
• The 3 Daves
• The Nigga Family
• When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong
• Red Balls
• Ribs
• O'Dweeds
• Wac'Arnolds
• And1 Golf, Bowling, and Baseball

The countless memories and laughter. There are more skits that I loved but those just stick out to me. At least this time white folks didn't put a good black show off. He left on his own terms. Guess its back to Fresh Prince and Cosby reruns. Then again, there is always Bobby Brown.

Being Bobby Brown...For real?

Damn. The title says it all. I'm not sure which is more odd. The fact he has a show, or the the fact people are watching the show. I don't even have to get into the details of the relationship of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, but um...

Cocanie is a hell of a drug.

Anyway, it got me to thinking. Could I marry rich, to a seemingly succesful black female celebrity and have her take care of me. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmm. Okay.

But who? Hmmmm, Here is a list of women I think would work:

1. Ashanti

Pros: Rich. Great body. Could get a reality tv being with her. She is undercover ghetto.

Cons: Her sideburns are bigger than mine. She is undercover ghetto. And the possibility of being in the next 50 Cent diss song is VERY high.

Final analysis: Pass...

2. Lil Kim

Pros: ..........?

Cons: The possibility of being in the next 50 Cent diss song...very likely.

Final analysis: I wouldn't touch her with someone else's d***

3. Mariah Carey

Pros: Flithy rich. Sexy to the point of who cares what 50 Cent would say.

Cons: She might be crazy for real.

Final analysis: Who cares what you think? I get a shot at her, you may never see me again. Only one woman can keep me away from here. You know who you are.

4. Destiny's Child (Yes, all 3 of them.)

Pros: Not enough time in the world for that one.

Cons: N/A

Final analysis: It's nice to dream.

So what have we learned? Nothing. Bobby Brown has walked up on the deal of all deals. His wife pays his bills, child support, buys his crack, weed, alcohol, and tries to screw him every time she thinks about it. Look, Alicia Keys if you ever flip out, I'm here for you. I don't do drugs and I have no kids. But I do like like some hen or rum and coke from time to time. I can pay my own bills too. But I will ask for a new car. And best of all, you can get my booty anytime you think about it. Especially if you're gonna pay for it like Whitney does for her husband. Cause I guess it's a good thing being Bobby Brown...for real? But he needs to get his teeth fixed. lol!