Relax, Relate, Release

The New Year is only a couple of hours away, and I must admit it hasn't been all bad. The good news, I finally broke free from Audra this year. The bad news...well, I guess there is no bad side to that one. It took some adjustments, but it has all worked out for the best. I think I am most proud of how I have been praying and pushing through adversity. My grades were okay, but not to my expectations. I'm just more relieved than anything that my grandmother will be okay after finding out that she has, or had cancer. I was very proud of myself for being the strong one and keeping people calm. Some of my family members looked like they were about to lose it all together, including my mom. I think her and my mom are very emotional and not willing to admit at all. Oh well. But this whole Kenisha thing is still bothering me. I'll get over it, but it took us breaking up for me to realize that I may have lost focus on what was truly important.

I think of all the good things that have happened though. The trip to Mexico, the road trip to New Orleans and then Colorado for Gerald's wedding, and coaching basketball, and my good grades the previous year, I really can't complain. I think my only frustration is my relationship with Mrs. Rochelle. She is never around and it is starting to get a little frustrating, because I really need guidance with AASA, but I guess I will have to push on without the help. But I will not go into he new year complaining, I'm submitting all to God and let him guide. Oh, say a prayer for all those who are not going into 2004 with us. Peace.

When The Saints Come Marching In

Last night was great. The church I joined under watch care got a bus and took the church and AASA to a New Orleans Saints game. Actually, or adviser's husband has a nephew who is a starter on the defensive line. This guy was huge even for a professional football player. Very rarely do I stand next to someone and feel like a small person. But we got to the family section and get food in the tent and get autographs from the other players. Joe Horn is hilarious, not only did he sign autographs but when I asked him about the cell phone he pulled out after he scored his touchdown he told me that he planned it and he had a cell phone under each goal post pad. He also was cracking jokes about all the groupies and baby mama's that had gathered around the exit of the locker room and there was ton of them lurking around, it was funny. In the mean time, I could hear Coach Haslett in the background talking to a news outlet and he wasn't very happy about it at all the touchdown celebration. I think he is gonna fined before the next game. Anyway, I didn't realize how nice The Super Dome is on the inside, it's a lot brighter than what it looks on tv and that's real grass the play on too. The only thing that was strange was the bad condition of the dome's ceiling. Certain parts were water damaged and other parts of tile were missing. I thought everything the NFL did was top rate. Oh well, I hope they get that fixed soon. But all in all it was a great experience with my first NFL game. Well, I'm home for the Christmas break now, time to relax. Peace.

I'm out...

Dear Kenisha,

Thanks for totally ruinning my flow and my day. I'm not sure what was worse. What you just said to me over the phone, or how you just did it. Damn. I want to say my feelings are hurt, but I'm so blown back that it will be a minute before I can really think about this thing. So before I get upset any further, I'm gonna get my mind set ready to have fun at the Saints game tomorrow. Aiight? So...have a nice day...or life.

Sincerely,
Everett D. Welch

Love your enemies and hate your friends.

I don't think I have any friends. The people who I considered friends, I call them brothers, sisters, nephews or nieces relative to their age to me. Regardless of the fact I am an only child, some people of the years have gotten close to me like family. However, there are people who on the front of a friend or "fam" we like to say at times and lull you into a relaxed state of unwarranted trust for them. I think I may have done that at least 4 people in my short time as AASA President. Darnesha is Darnesha, young and the all eyes on my mentality but I guess forgivable due to her age. However, I think her comfort with me is elevated becuase she likes me. Not to be arrogant, but last year she went to give me a hug and kissed my neck in the process. It was an accident, her tongue got a couple of rotations in that moment. lol. I know right, I should have moved right away but thats a weak point for me. But I did move as quickly as possible. Anyway, the other strange part is that her best friend has been putting her best foot forward trying to have sex with me. Keep in mind he boyfriend is on the basketball team and I see this cat everyday. One day she showed up and my place unannounced started making her move and taking off her clothes. Honestly, she has a nice body but this was definetly look and don't touch moment. I don't need that type of drama in my life. My every move is scrutinized and getting caught up like that does not relfect who I am as a child of God. I've already had my slip up(s) for the semester with one person, lets not make this a multiple thing. Secondly, Jamar is well Jamar. A loud mouth guy who definetly suffers from a Napolean complex. At one point I thought he and I were beyond cool but at times get the vibes of jealousy and back stabbing ready to take place. I'm trying not to sound paranoid but I do have this weird sixth sense about things going foul. However, that feeling doesn't compare to the one I have been having with Mrs. Rochelle. There was definetly a strong mother/son and teacher/student bond there at one point but something is not right. I can feel it and I'm trying to figure out is the the Holy Spirit telling me to be aware of people around me or a lack of confidence of the people around me. You know me, I'd would put the whole thing on my back but I don't have the time and I believe in team. For these reasons, I say love your enemies. They don't change. You know where they stand and jealousy, arrogance, lust do not become part of their equation. Your friends and I use the term loosely, shift like the windy nights in Chicago. However, I am remaining true to the mission at hand and try not to get to personal with anyone else this year. Pray for me. Peace.

Cooler than being cool?

6:08PM - Ice Cold
The subject says it all. Its ice cold in this office. Yeah, can you believe it USA, our office is used and open enough to know that its cold on a regular basis. That didn't happen until we came along. AASA has been going pretty well, my school work hasn't been close to my expectations, but I am doing okay. I got half a semester to pull it all together. I work well with my back against the wall, but I'm not gonna let it get there. Other than that, the Bid-Off was OFF THE RIP. Jamar and Darnesha did a great job creatively, and their follow through was beautiful. Our advisor said it was the best one she has seen. But I was looking for someone in the crowd, I guess she didn't make it. Anyway, I get a lot of compliments on being President from students to faculty, but I still think I can do so much more, I always think I can do more. I know this year is just a stepping stone to get this thing in full gear. I knew taking this job was not gonna be an overnight turn around. But on a personal note.... "July" has become my new favorite month. I know its October. I'll explain later. Other than that, its been meeting after meeting after meeting after meeting. Hell, got one now. Then I gotta study. Holla at The Kid...

Current mood: working

Not the fro!

So yesterday I was pulled into Mrs. Rochelle's office because she needed to talk to me. The woman we all often refer to as mama had that business look in her eyes and I wasn't very happy because I had an idea what was about to take place. Ok, maybe I didn't. Now, I understood her concerns about looking like a leader when you are a leader. She said that the clothes, the chain, and the fro needed to change. To a degree I feel what she was saying. However, my point was, I'm me. If its a t-shirt, jersey, jeans, or whatever, that's me. I dress to be comfortable. I have no one here I'm trying to impress. I'd rather let my work speak for me, but people tend to be more receptive when you don't look like a rapper. So I agreed to wear a much smaller chain. I'm dropping the basketball and wear the one with The Cross. Hey, I need to carry that with me everyday anyway. The clothes, well, no more jerseys and more polo shirts, I like Ralph Lauren polo shirts anway. Although, I'm gonna keep most of my Akademics gear. However, Houston we have a problem. I can't part with the fro. I love my afro. I've already cut it down once to make it more presentable and less Black Panther-ish, but I can't cut the fro. Not the fro. No. No. No. So we sat there for about twenty more minutes going back and forth till I had enough. Then pride started running the show which lead me to open my mouth.

Me and my BIG MOUTH...

Dang. So as the conversation got heated, what did I have to say?
"You know what? You want me to get my hair cut then you should pay for it and find someone to cut it, cause I'm not driving to Pensacola to my barber." Yeah. I thought it was over then. And before I knew it she pulled out a twenty dollar bill and directions to her son's barber and informed me she had already made an appointment. Excuse me for a minute...

Damn.

Me and my big mouth. So here I am. A new look and a cold head. It's a good cut but I'm so use to the curly hair afro that lays down perfectly in this humidity. Even when it was nappy I was still fresh with it. I'm just depressed now. It does look more professional, but I'm gonna have to work with this makeover. Forget this Brooks Brother's stuff, I think I got a plan. Yeah, I might be able to work with this after all. Because if I have to do this to advance the organization then I have to make this work for me. I can't wear Old Navy and that other white boy stuff, I got switch the style up. I'm thinking brofessional. I'm also thinking I'm cold. I miss my fro.

Midnight madness

If you know me, then you know that basketball is just as deep as love to me. And last night was a serious exhibtion of what love can trully be when the right team is playing. The energy, the heart, the sweat, and the passion. The feeling you get when make a great move and pass it off to your teammate. Our your teammate gives you the green light to do what you do, and you get in that zone and they are just happy to be on the same court with you at the moment. You and your team in the same rythm, the same flow, and there is nothing better in the world. Because the feeling you have right now, is better than anything you could imagine. But the notion that there will be other times better than this one, take your breath away.

Too bad I'm not talking about basketball.

Never in my life have I ever been nervous about sex, even with my very limited amount of partners, and the fact that the person I have had the most sex was my first and we finally parted ways for good in May. But it's something about her. When she touches me her hand goes past my flesh and into my soul. Everytime we touch, we hug, sit close to each other, you can feel the passion. I can't label it love at this point, but this is something special. What is even more crazier, our first kiss (lip to lip) was this week too. Just laying on my bed and we kissed. And now last night we took it all the way. I think she was a little surprised that the kid had some talent. But no lie, I was nervous as hell. She kissed my neck and I felt electricity going down my back and through my legs. I kissed her curves and she pulled me close. And for a minute it seemd liked we couldn't get enough of kissing and touching each other. Then when I finally pushed inside of her, I watched her eyes roll up in her head. She pulled me close and caressed my back and kissed me. Then I pushed deeper as I put my arms around her, I noticed how warm and inviting she felt there and how natural it seemed to be in this position with her. And for the next two hours we got very close. And when I heard her say give it to me, it was on even more. She made my voice crack and then she laughed. I let it all out and fell asleep in the most comfortably. I must admit...It didn't get left there...

Kissing and Telling

The biggest lie we've all been told is that a kiss can tell you a lot about a person. Dealing with Kenisha (see the car wash post) has told me that she is a sweet southern belle finally home from college and on her way in life. Ok, we got that part. But what she has been showing me is that she is really into me and she wants things to go further that what she has been saying. She finally admitted to liking me but we are supposed to be just friends. Why are just friends up to two and three in the morning on the phone talking about NOTHING? The unwritten rules of urban courtship suggest that this is the first step into a relationship. Now, by our own mouth's we are not in a relationship even though she has broken up with her boyfriend. But everything we do is been telling a different story. We've tried our best to keep the fact we are friends under wraps because being in my position is causing my personal life to be more in public view even more than in the recent past.

So here I am trying to figure out how we let ourselves get into tonight's affairs. I'm not even sure who took the first step but I hope that kiss didn't start anything. Let me stop...I hope that KISSING didn't lead to anything. But I will admit, it was nice. Hopefully it will be left right there...Peace.

Still on my grind (dack dated)

4:34PM - Still on the grind...
Dang homie. School is kicking my butt. Not the work, but the schedule. How did the kid land in a Saturday morning class. That don't even seem right. Other than this paper I keep putting off, Im good. No stress here really. I can't complain about anything. This summer was one of the best of my entire life. I still want to do some more traveling. Matter of fact I rode to da A on the spur of the moment this past weekend. Anyway, one of the big reasons I have not written anything in a minute, cause we found out my grandmother had colon cancer and was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. She is at home now and the doctor did so well she doesn't need one of the boo-boo bags. Yeah I said boo-boo but I can't spell the medical term for that bag, and what? My Aunt came down to stay with her this week, and her son will be here next week. Then so and so on. She is recovering well. Other than that, er'thang is kosher. AASA is off to a good start. We finally got that new office furniture I've been pushing for, these desks are real brofessional. Yes I said "brofessional". We have 2 computers now but those progress haters came over today talking about all the stuff we did illegal with our OS. I was like um...You move too slow. So you get right or get left. Anyway, there is much more, but this office closes in 10 minutes and I gotta lock up. HOLLA AT THE KID...

Current mood: sleepy
Current music: I'm Ready - Juelez Santana, Camron, Jim Jones

Huh?

The funny apart about today is that when I had the opportunity to say something...I didn't.
Now that I am by myself I got all the time in the world to get everything I want to say.
So let's get the business stuff out the way first:

1. Today was the first official event of the AASA year under my administration. It was cool. The Chill and the Grill, then the comedy show is next. So everything is off and running.

2. Of course, I did my housing stuff like a months in advance and after all this time, they still haven't got it right. Blah blah blah. Dr. beard got it worked out for me. So D5 is where I'm headed.

Alright, back to where I got this entry started. By a show of hands, has anyone ever seen me for a loss of words? Anyone? In the back? No one? Okay. Me either. But it happened. Follow me:

"For real, I'll pay double if you take your shirt off."

For real...you hear someting like that in the middle of the blazing hot sun, you're gonna look up. But dear God, why didn't you prepare me for that sight? She had a glow on her that looked like the gates of heaven opened up behind her. I started looking up those ankles till I reached her smile, and when I got to her eyes, my peronal definitions of beauty and perfection were changed. And this is coming from a young man who has met several S.I. swimsuit models and a couple of black Miss America. I got left speechless when she spoke to me. Well, she did introduce herself in a very lady like manner, it was just my response which had me feeling bad though. I mean, I'm supposed to be the charming one, at least thats what I have been told over the years. But when I stood up, walked over from the car, she said "Hi, how are you today? The only thing I could say was:

"I'm blessed in the Lord and you?"

For real EV. Thats the best you can do? I told my self over and over again in those few steps toward her, please don't say anything lame. But guess what came out my mouth. Then she told me her name was Kenisha, then she asked mine but, I could tell she already knew. In my head, I was telling myself my name is Mr. Lame-O. Nothing wrong with what I said, it's just the place I said it in. It's totally appropriate for church, but you're not getting any cool points with the ladies when you're half naked at a car wash say that. Speaking of dress, I like the one she had on. I can tell she is into fashion. But overall, I like her whole conversation. I mean she didn't have to tell me what we were doing wrong at the car wash, but then again I didn't know what I was doing in the first place. I was just washing cars. But after the conversation she stayed about 30 minutes after her car was washed. She was talking to Angel and Toi most of the time, but I think I saw her looking at me. Honestly, I wanted her to look at me. Hoping she would come back and talk some more. But of course after she left, I caught the death blow. I had ask about her and of course she has a boyfriend and let Toi tell it, she is in love. Oh well. For a moment, I saw her. That one, the one with that "It." Maybe I'll see her another day, another place, another time. But at least today, my eyes got to see the "difference."

Ready to turn the page (back dated)

10:56PM - Chapter II...
How busy am I? Life is crazy, but I keep swinging out the corner. When the world ask, no doubt I'll be the one saying "I shot ya!" I don't even know where to start. Basically the basketball camp job turned into a coaching job at PHS for the basketball varsity girls. I really like that. It's a great experience. But it seems like everyone I know is trying to get me involved in something else. I'll do the modeling thing when I have the time. Music? I may help my boy with the beats, but rapping? I don't know. But honestly, I'm losing interest in so called rap music. Yes, I am going to use my same excuse...I'm gonna write about the Audra thing later. Tonight I am tired. I've worked out hard with the weights today and ran, and played a few games today. I'm up to 212 pounds now. I'm getting bigger and harder. But when you are me, it's not gonna help the perception of my style. A lot of people thing I am arrogant anyway, and being bigger is not gonna help that anyway. But today, well yesterday started Chapter II in my life. Let's call it The Sun Shines Clearly. Whatever God's plan is, I'm down. The past 3 years have been rough but my mentality has stayed thoro in this life game, and God has blessed me for not flipping on him or anyone else. It was hard, but I'm aiight. Anyway, school starts in just a little bit over a month. I'm ready. Gotta get this school thing over and get on the road. I am ready to move out the South. Nothing againist it, but ya'll know it's hot as hell down here some days. I changed my mind, I can work with snow for a minute. Something above VA is gonna have to happen. Well, I gotta be at practice at 8, and it's almost 12 at night. I'm headed on a cruise this week, so my mind can relax for a few nights. I'll be by the pool with my feet up and smiling. Until then, holla at the kid. -Ev

Current mood: Chill

Aw...made you look.

10:31PM - Look out for the reason...
Destined for greatness? Please believe it. But that's another entry for another day. Basically basketball is good. We won last night. They still don't understand the importance of being in top shape. When we run, they think is to be punished. We have to use conditiong as consequences sometimes but it's part of the game. I can't make you love the game. Basketball has to be a part of your life if you want to play it well. I love this game and it gave a lot to me. And now I can give back, but this is a new breed of kids. Different attitudes, not saying it's worse or better, just different. I'm not usre if I should be soft spoken, or flip a Bobby Knight on these kids. I know all players don't respond to yelling and some won't respond without being yelled at. I'll figure it out though. They are learning though. The effort has improved, and we kicked some butt yesterday. Anyway, let's make this another day to avoid talking about anything personl. Cause I'm still ducking some folks in my dreams. Holla at the kid.

Current mood: working
Current music: Never Change - Jay-Z

Are we there yet?

11:06PM - Long time coming...
It's been a hot moth since I've written anything. I read my last entry before I decided to write. I have a lot to catch up on. Anyway, I got back from Denver safe and sound. The wedding was beautiful. I really enjoyed being a groomsmen in my cousin's wedding. I enjoyed hanging with him for the week as well. Gerald is good people and he picked a good wife too. Jeri fits right in with us. Rickey did too a few years ago, and both weddings were beautiful. Matter of fact I was a groomsmen in Rickey's wedding. Matter of fact I caught the garder belt in at that wedding too. That brings my total to three. Does that mean something? I hope not. The kid is so focused on work right now. School is right around the corner and graduation will be here even sooner. Anyway, like I said the trip was cool. I got a speeding ticket for doing 81 in a 60 somewhere in Lousiana. That was on the way back, I did most of the driving going up though. My Uncle Sidney did most of the driving going back though. I got lost once in Oklahoma, and he got lost once in Dallas. By the way, big up to Dallas. I am really feeling your city. The trip really brought the family together. My mom, as quiet and humble as she is almost got into a fight in a Waffle House in Denton Texas. I'm like wow. Mom can really get bout' it. But I had to mellow her out cause I'm pretty sure we were the only black people in a 3-5 mile radius. LOL! Oh, but like I was saying about Gerald, we really bonded. When I was a young child he and I were close but it's different now with him being an adult and me coming into my own. I really look up to him. He's a thinker. And he is a bigger neat freak than me. Whoa. I really appreciate him taking us around Denver, and whoever reads this if you get into downtown Denver look for a Mexican joint called Benny's. That is the best Mexican place in the midwest. Oh, and the Carribean Bakery on Colfax, stop there too. Gerald's new wife Jer's family are cool too. Her father is really down to earth. He smiles a lot and is very sincere. Some people you just catch a vibe for. His son Joel is and his other daughter is cool. Oh, by the way, the final score was 22-17. I lost. It's a game me and the unmarried adult cousins play. The enitre week of a wedding plus the day of and the day after you have to keep count of how many times you hear "So I take it you are getting married next." But the reason why you want to win this game because history has shown that the runner up is always the next to get married. And guess who came in second? Your's trully. (sigh) I guess it doesn't help I caught my third garder either. Dang, I keep forgetting about all of that other stuff. The reception was too nice. Real classy. And as much money was speant (like 10 grand on the reception alone) you knew it was black folks were in the building when the enitre place got up to do the Electric Slide. I guess with black folks you are not really married until you do the electric slide at your reception. LOL! And then I got the chance to ride in both limos. The second was a strecth Excursion. It was so comfortable. And I did raid the min bar, especially when I found out it was already paid for. Naw, my cousin told me it was cool. When I get married I will have to have about 3 of those. One for myself and my bride, one for the wedding party, and one for the family. And let me get off of this me getting married scenario. It's all about work and business right now. No distractions. Just focus. Like a Jedi in trainning. (Use the force...LOL!) Well, I sent out postcards to a lot of my people back home. I wanted to send one to you know who, but my pride wouldn't let me do it. Sad, but true. The rest of the week was good to. I was running cats at La Familia Communtiy Center. They are not ready for the Florida kid. A couple of Denver Nuggets and college kids were in there, but some of these guys aren't on my level. I thought I would be nervous. But againist pro competion and current D-1 players I stepped all the way up effortlessly. My game has been on for a minute. Working with these kids I shoot every day and do some workouts so I guess it's like sharpening an old knife. Anyway, the rest of the week was good. I won about 30 bucks playing black jack at the casino in the mountains. My God the Rocky Mountains are so beautiful and all those rivers. I want to go white water rafting so bad now. I am going back. Hope to take a young lady with me. I did so much on this trip. Juneteenth was off the chain too. Nice to see "US" together and not tripping. But in the middle of a celebration of black history why did I see some real live pimps? Do they ever take a break? I guess not. Well, it's late. Anything I want to catch up will get written tomorrow. Get at the kid...Naw, get the new King. Holla.

(Before I go...)Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for a safe voyage and safe return from Colorado. My journey across your green earth was an absolute humbling experience. And before I lay my head down, I pray that you bless Jeri and Gerald who lost each other and found each other again. Keep them healthy, happy, and safe. In Jesus name we pray...Amen.

Current mood: sleepy
Current music: I'm Promise - Jagged Edge

Thats a wrap

For immediate press release:

Ladies and gentleman, children of all ages, hustlers, ballers, ho's, cats, kittens, dogs, chickens, ducks, lobsters, salmon, lil' salmon, and negroes generally in my business. It is with a sadden heart that I must let you know that any thoughts or ideas of Audra and I working out, reconciling, whatever you want to call, well...it's not gonna happen. With a heavy heart, I politely said good bye and have a nice life to the girl I've been in a relationship for a nearly 5 years, maybe 6 years. Who knows? I stopped counting a while ago. Anyhow, I gracefully bowed out and I'm ready to move on with my life. So long to the way we use to be. For all other questions, don't call me. Continue to gossip and speculate. Goodnight.

Flipside

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Flipside

Um...well, it didn't go that smooth, or that peaceful, or that nice. Well, it was ugly. I didn't know I could be so mean. I didn't know I could be so good at it either. So let me update you on the past year with Audra Lavern Hayes. We can even give it a movie title:

10 Things I Hate About Audra

1. I did not come to school to sit up here and look at you all day. Yeah, you're pretty, but you know me. I give you space. I'm not all up in your ass. I have a life too. Either, grow up or get your own Mr. Bently.

2. The Bid-Off. I told E that I would do it for him cause they were short on guys, and he helped me get adjusted around here. If it was let up to you, I'd sit in your room all day and sit up under you.

3. Jealousy. Not because other's of me. Never that. You of me. Sorry. It's not hard for me to make friends. If it wasn't for your looks, a lot of people wouldn't speak to you. You have the same shitty attitude your father, mother, and sister have. You're an elitist jackass, that doesn't realize she is just like everyone else. Just cause you and your family cant quote a few scriptures doesn't make you better than anyone.

4. You nag. ALL THE TIME.

5. Loyalty. As long as your butt isn't in the line of fire, you don't care about anyone but yourself. That's the 2nd biggest reason you don't have any friends.

6. This is not tv. It's life. It's not the Cosby Show, and it's not Girlfriends. But you and Mya have a lot in common. Essentially that gay nigga you've been hanging with is Stan. Honestly, you two deserve each other. But here is the thing, I don't care.

7. Do you have to involve the whole world in our business?

8. You nag. ALL THE F&^%$ING TIME.

9. You're a crybaby.

10. The preacher deal. This was the final draw. My heart was gone from this relationship pretty much in August. Not because you "thought" you were supposed to be a minister, but you let someone else tell you how to feel, about your life, and your relationship. So when I couldn't support you, it wasn't anything against your relationship with Christ. I encourage all to seek God and get to know him. It was the fact that Rev. Earthy Gaskins played you, I tried to warn you, you blew me off, and then when he tried to get your booty, you tried to come running back to me. I felt for you. But you've already killed my rep once, and wounded my pride. Time for you to go.

So, when she made that stupid comment, again, about this whole thing. I thought back to when I told you just after the AASA elections, I was out, and you helded me down and asked me to marry you. You were desperate then and you're pathetic now. It's sad hanging onto someone you love, but are not in love with. It's all my fault, I should have ended this thing way back in October. But I waited till now and called her: (clears thoart), Nevermind.

Hey, just use your imagination. I never cursed like that before in my life. I pray I don't ever get that angry again either. I guess I didn't have to say what I said about her mother. (shakes head) I meant it, but I didn't have to say it. Then I got out the car, and walked home from Wayside Park all the way home. That had to been 6-10 miles. And it was one of the best walks I ever had. I felt so free. I'm looking forward to this summer, and the next school year. I still don't have my song for this one, but I feel good.

Our first date: $80

Calling cards when I went away to college: $5 dollars a piece

Dating after you break up: $40 a date.

The first date after you all got back together: $60

Finally figuring out the difference of loving someone and being in love with someone, then deciding to be truly happy, rather than just okay with the situation, and throwing that bitch the deuces:

PRICELESS.

For everything else...Who cares, I'm free!

I-85 North...DC bound again one day.

I am glad that I went home for the weekend. Campus was a hot mess this week between fights (not me) and tornado. Me, I don't have time for any nonsense. But after all that drama that I keep saying that I don't have time to discuss, it all came back to the people who tried to keep the mess going. They should have backed down. Right now I am talking to my homie Randi back in Maryland. Oh baby...She is extra sexy. Now I wouldn't mind going back to her home in Bermuda with her. ButI meet mad cool people up there in Maryland. I always wanted to be in that area when I visited in high school. The first time I went to DC/Maryland area I was a child, I didn't understand what was really what. But something about the area I am always feeling. Of course, I want to move back to Cali as well, but South Florida has an appeal. And of course every young black person wants to be in da ATL at some point. Anyway, the future is wide open. Who knows where I will be in 5 years. I'm not gonna trip, if I put it in the Lord's hands I can't go wrong. Well, it's time to get down on some studying. Holla at the kid...who one day will be the man.

Current mood: calm
Current music: One last cry - Brian McKnight

I've been patiently waitin' to blow...Laides and Gentlemen welcome to the Everett Douglas Show!

7:04PM

Today was a pretty good day. I went back to Zion Hope for the second time in two years. It felt like the first time cause last I walked up in there late. I was some what surprised by the way I was recieved. I got a lot of love today. Of course there was a good handful who didn't speak but who gives a...I was kinda surprised that some people are holding on to anomosity toward me after two years. I mean come on, I didn't do anything to you. Your mind is gone on something a lie. Maybe in your mind you are mad at me because I didn't address them. But hey, I'm too big and good looking to pay attention to the rumors. Actually, I saw the peson who got it all started sitting one row over from me. I know she was surprised to see me there, and her little friend too. WHAT? Oh? They must have thought I was gonna come back to The Hope with a sad face looking like I just got out of rehab. Pipe in my mouth maybe? Ha. There is enough for your whole crew to swing on. Anyway, the message at church was good today. It was different from your typical Easter Sunday sermon. I didn't leave church feeling the same way I came in. I felt good. I was feeling good anyway, but I felt better. Knowledge of your faith is a beautiful thing. Speaking of beautiful sights, I talked with Jaime this afternoon before I went to my grandmother's house for dinner. Lord knows my granny can cook. Anyway, Jai and I had a good convo. She is so thoughtful and sweet. She was happy that I won the election. She even gave me mad ideas to bring to the group. Well, it's bout time to ride back to school. I got a load of clothes to see about too. Holla at the kid...

Current mood: I'm aiight...
Current music: Girls, Girls, Girls Remix - Jay-Z

Elected on Friday...thought about what the hell I just got myself into on Saturday.

Dang homie...I've been so busy this week. I got sick during the middle of the week. My allergies whipped my tooter real good. Then the allergy medicine made me sick and gave me a nice rash on my arm. It's gone now though. But I threw up couple times during class. That was actually kinda cool. Anyway, we worked on television news in the studio this past week. Ya know I had to hold it down. I got threw off my focus when a classmate started laughing. I was doing good though. I also worked on my interview things too. This beautiful young lady named Regina gave me some of her time to help a young dude out. Even though it was seriously hot in the office, the mic barely worked, and we were both being silly it was pretty good. I can do it over again and maybe I can get her to come to the studio this time. On a more serious note, I was elected African American Student Association President this week. Whoa. (crickets...) Why lie? I'm nervous and I got a lot of work on my hands. I don't understand how the organization got like this, but I know who had a big part in getting the group that way, and that clown doesn't even have one chance to cross me. However, I've been getting a lot of calls and moral support from students, staff, and faculty. One guy stopped me in the cafe and told me he voted for me simply he believed I was a young man of principle and I wasn't in the race for a show. If he knew how much that meant to me at that moment. Right now I am really focused on finishing this semester strong. Then getting this thing back on the right track. It's funny, cause my mind went blank. I had so much to write because I didn't get a chance to write this week. I am so tired. I didn't even go to sleep Wensday night. I tried, but it just didn't happen. That happens about once every year in the Spring. Anyway, I guess I should roll since my mind went blank. Holla at the kid...EL PRESIDENTE! LOL!


Current mood: chillin'
Current music: So Gone - Monica

Only thing I ever lost I couldn't find was time

2:29AM - I...

These day are too short. But I am enjoying each day. Even the hardships. I know lately it seems like I have been speaking in metaphors but sometimes you don't want to share all your thoughts, even in a private journal. My grandmother told me it's not good for your left hand to always know what your right hand is doing. It makes sense when you think about it. Anyway, the work is piling up but I say just bring it. Audra and I have been getting along for a change. It's okay thing when we can conversate and not fight. I think she is finally understanding me as a person. But unfortunately she still doesn't understand herself and the world around her. She needs someone to tell her how to feel. It's all a growing process, but we have grown apart. I hope this comes to a peaceful end. We will see what happens. Right now I gotta do this thing with my education first. Once I get established then I will start talking about that marriage stuff, but with who? HMMMMM? LOL! Whatever durty. We know who it won't be with. Thats another 21 questions. LOL! (Inside joke) Other than that, not too much has gone on. Beef is still beef, but beef is what a some have between their teeth. I'm something like a grown man, I know red and white when I see it, call it was it. But ain't nobody stepped to me yet, and those who run their mouth, do so at a distance. I can't do nothing but laugh. They can't even peep how I run mine. I'm gonna succeed and get there no matter what, and if I get elected African American Student Association President, I'm gonna continue to be me, and push hard to until the organization is the best it can be. This is something I really want, and I have a vision for it. I am praying that it all works out. Stay tuned. Anyway, my projects for classes are turning out real nice. I just have to get them edited this week and I can start doing some big things, and making big grades fo sho. Well, I need to write a letter and study. Holla at the kid...

Current mood: focused
Current music: One Mic - Nas

Thats what I'm talking bout'

2:30PM - Feeling' Good
I feel like I got a lot accomplished today. I'm actually taking the time to get ready for tomorrow. I do that anyway, but it's 2:30 and I am doing this. I would normally wait until about 7 or 8 tonight. But I want to relax tonight. I'm feeling good about myself these days. Maybe I should splurge a little. lol! Naw. No extra dough to to do that. Anyway, my birthday was good. I got a ton of phone calls. As early as 6 in the morning. I was like dang homie. I'm gonna take the time to celebrate this weekend. Not sure what I am gonna do though. I have a ton of work but I ain't stressed. My sinuses and allergies are hurting me though. I've sneezed so much to the point I don't have to do any sit ups. Ain't nothing to run on about today. Jaime is back home again, she had to go back to the hospital but she is feeling much better these days. She sounds better too. Soon she will get her appetite back and be back on the grind. My cousin Andre from Atlanta will be here next week. The kid is a trip. I love him to death though. Everywhere I want to go he wants to go. Handsome too, just like me. But all us Simpson men are. And no, not OJ. Well, like I said I got a ton of work, but I rather do this than be a bum fo sho. Holla at the kid...

Current mood: working
Current music: Jay-Z Anything

Yeah

9:13AM - Grindin'
Not much time to write. I am in class now preparing for my time in front of the camera to do interviews. And my teacher gave me free will to act up. It's on. I have to do an interview and I will be interviewed. I am gonna do something so off the wall to put with my resume'. Might as well go for broke. But I can't believe I'm not stressed out for this Spanish test though. I am going to continue to look over vocabulary and questions. My workbook is set so I can get credit for that. I'm ready to roll baby! I feel like my swagger is coming back. I'm not all the way there, but I am feeling it. I think today's enrty will be free of personal relationships today. lol! Although Jaime is still in my prayers about her health. But what is really funny I haven't talked to my mom all week. I called her last night, but I think she was at Bible Study. I didn't work out yesterday, so after I clean up my room I am gonna wear myself out. And tonight is wrestling. WHAT? Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? Wait. That is my sneakers I smell. Whoa. These are going in the trunk of my car. Holla at the kid...

Current mood: working
Current music: On Time God - Dottie Peoples

It was a lie at first...Let me see you today. It will be the truth.

8:39AM - Crucial...
I usually don't like Monday's but I have to start off my week hating you. If I did not have class and so much work, I would be pissed beyond belief. However, I am very angry. I wish I could ease up but I'm done. I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna stress. But the chip on my shoulder now looks a lot like the bat in my car. After all this time being friends with somebody you think they would stick with you through thick and thin. Loyalty has no place between friends anymore. Love means nothing, at least in the romantic sense. More than likely I don't think I want to be in a relationship with anyone. I just realized why I kick it to myself most of the time. I'm not going into detail today, but you know who you are.

If you don't love while I'm alive, don't mourn me when I die, good-bye. Good riddens.

Don't holla at the kid.

Current mood: angry
Current music: I'll Be Dat - Redman

In need of a song for the moment

11:02PM - These games we play...
This reminds me of that 702 song called Get It Together. I don't really want to stay, I don't really want to go. Wait...I do want to go. It's thats that whole thing of leaving what you familair with. But do I stay where I am and learn how to be okay or content with this situation. We could work things out and it would be alright, but why be miserable? I can't settle for mediocrity. I wish I had a song for this one. 702 is close, but not really where I am. Honestly, I've been in this relationship months on months way too long. I don't trully know what being in love is...but I know this isn't it at all. So how do you say goodbye in these situations? You have all the reasons in the world to go, but that small string of attraction, that string of familiarity, and that small string of being in love with the thought of being in love. Then at some point, someone comes along and changes your whole world. You know...the one with that "It." That thing that makes them the one. It blurs all the thoughts of "your first", your high school sweetheart, that one in college that never quite worked out, and that one that you're comfortable with but not in love with. Then when you finally meet them, you're stuck on those little strings, but the problem is that they are not attached to your body, they are on your heart. And it doesn't hurt that you can't get away...It hurts you can't get to that one. I've gotta cut these strings from my heart before she gets here. But how? Something has to give. I need to be delivered out of Egypt and guided through the wilderness.

Bottom line...the difference of what Audra is and what the one should/will be is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I have no earthly idea who she is, I haven''t even met her. But God has placed her in my heart and she is already changing me. My speech and actions are making changes. I see the man, lover, and friend I want to be, free from all boundaries. So whoever you are, I want to thank you in advance.

It never rains in southern Alabama...

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after truth. ~Mahatma Gandhi~

And Lord knows the quest is hard. I can't believe the limits I have been pushing my body. I may get 5 hours of sleep and be up at 7 and 8 in the morning, and go to class, work, lift weights, play ball, and then jog, and then study all night. I'm not gonna collaspe though. It feels good to work hard. I guess I could be on the streets with the rest of boys slanging rocks right now. I just had 3 go in about a month ago too. Those dudes got murder and drug charges. They may never see the light of day again. So college has always been the best choice for me. I know one time I could have made some big time money moving a block or two, but forget being in a cage, that issh is for the birds.

Anyway, my body is so tight right now. I haven't worked out since Friday. And my legs and back are so tight. Maybe I will strecth tonight. Doubt it though. I am feeling mad lazy. I'm about to climb back in this bed. It has been raining all day....AGAIN. Plus I have so much on my mind right now. Don't feel like thinking but I gotta come to a conclusion about what I am going to do about my personal life. I have been working so hard that I forgot to manage it and it has been managing me. And when you let your personal life roam on it's own it will find trouble.

Ummmm. No comment. Anyway, the fashion show is gonna be hot. I'm in 3 hot scences, but I have to dance in one. It has been a good minute since I cut loose. So I don't know if I am gonna be in the mood. Me and my partner haven't picked out music either. I hope we do your thing on that song the jump off. That would work. Right now I am just trying to keep my cool. lol! I really need to pray and get back to work. But if this stuff continues with these girls they way it is, I am gonna change my name to the Gingerbread Man, and tell em' catch me if you can. Go ahead and marinate on that for a minute. Get at the kid...

Current mood: exhausted
Current music: The Games We Play - Subway and 702

Good morning

6:52PM - Just waking up...
Whoa. It has been a minute since I wrote my thoughts down. This week was crowded with work and confusion. I was busy from Sunday to right now. I got home about 2 in the morning, got up about 11, went to the bank, came back ate breakfast and got back in the bed and now I am up at 6:30 pm. I think I am gonna sleep this Saturday away. I'm not tired, but I am sleepy. Every night it has been study study study study. I've been getting my workouts in everyday too, so by the end of the night I am really pushing my body. But I feel great. I'm really blessed that I don't have anything to complain about. School is hard, but I am making it. I killed my commercial in 2 takes. I would have gotten it in one, but the camera operator got gased and started laughing hard so I couldn't hold it in either. But the next take I did the dang thang despite all the laughter. The guy who runs the school's television studio thinks I have a great career in front of me for television, and he wants to introduce me to some people at a advertising agency as well. I told him I don't know where I get my ideas from. Things just come to my head and BANG. I get it down on paper and it's all good. Now the rest of my classes I think I am holding 2 A's and 2'C's. I can pull those C's to B's though. Well at least one of them for sure. We all know how Spanish goes.

Enough about school though. Oh, the 50 Cent concert did go down. I heard it was aiight. Not worth $26 though. My homeboy told me he did 3 full songs, and half of 4 other songs. He didn't even get on the stage until 11:30 and he was done about 12:45. But to give credit where credit is due, they said he had it hype for the short time he was on stage. They said he jumped off stage and was running around the crowd. So he brought the energy, but he didn't show to the after party. I knew he wasn't gonna show. He did a show the night before he came to our place, and then he had a show in Jacksonville the next night. The man is tired. Matter of fact the man is getting kind of chunky too. My homegirl said he has gotten rather chunky. But we all know what money can do to you. I told her I remember Big Pun before he started making major doe. He was chunky but no where near 500 pounds upon his death. Anyway...

These females still got a dude's head dizzy. (courtesy of still being the new dude) I had about 4 girls this week told me they wanted to get at the kid when we get back from the break. But one of these girls I know for sure is big time playa. And one of them has a boyfriend. Another one is a big time flirt, and the other one I just don't like her circle of peeps. And to top it all of all that Audra wants to work things out. (shakes head...) What is a fella to do? Audra is aiight, but that would take some major work that I'm not willing to put in right now I'm thinking fuck fine. And I can fuck fine any day of the week. We all know I'm not like that, but what is she doing for me emotionally, mentally, or spiritually? Nothing. Stay tuned for that one. I told this one girl I use to talk to when she asked me why she hasn't seen me around lately...I said "I am always making love to my books, stimulating my mind, and having intellectual orgasisms." But still, the kid wants to settle down fo sho in the next 2 years. At 25 I want to know and be best friends with the woman I want to marry. I know who it should be, I just haven't met her yet. And I am having a hard time letting go of some things that happened in the past. I know they are in the past, but dayum kid-o there is mean, harsh, and then there is vindictive. But we will see in due time. Like I said, stay tuned.Other than that, God is good, life is straight, health is almost back to 100%, and the smile is bigger than ever. Like I said the books are hard, but girls have my head dizzy. Sometimes I wish I just had friends without er'body hitting on me. Skip the looks, I'd appreciate if a young lady took the time to get to know me as well. And the people who do know me, I wish they would act like it. I'm not a superstar...yet. So let's not start like money is coming between us already. And when I do get the big contract then we can act like spoiled celebrities. LOL! Naw, I'll remain humble. Just humble with some of the nicer things in life. LOL! Well, I guess I am awake now. Let's get on with the rest of the day. Or whats left of it...Holla at the kid...

Current mood: sleepy
Current music: On The Rocks - Baby ft. Jazzie Pha and Rickey Smiley

blah blah blah

11:34PM - This day...
Not much happened today. We had an out of class assignment so I didn't have to do anything but lift weights this morning and work at the bio-med library. I like the job or whatever, but some days I just don't want to be there. I went to the rec to work out, but not too many people were in there cause we got Fat Tuesday off for Mardi Gras and most folks were gone to New Orleans or drunk all ready. I had to keep it moving. Played about 4 games of 21 and won 2 them. And played 1 on 1 againist Marcus. Then I lifted weights again and ran on the indoor track for about half an hour. I know right. I need a girlfriend. Let's not go there today. (See below)
I'm actually at the house in Pensacola. I decided to ride home tonight and take care of some business and them make that drive back to school. The most exciting thing that happened today might have been discussing the Roy Jones Jr. fight. I guess some people just don't like him. It's whatever. Some people are just born haters. Oh well. Hopefully something will jump off this week.